*sigh*

I'm not trying to turn this into a gripe session, but I am incredibly frustrated with the world in general, and my life in particular today. It's easy to say "Just make a change. Turn the corner. Keep pushing and eventually success!" but today, it feels like every imaginable roadblock has been put up and I don't know the way around them.

I'm stuck in this fantastically complex maze, and it seems like every other lab rat has figured their way out while I'm just sniffing for a cheese crumb and trying not to implode. This has been an incredibly challenging year on every level. I've been thinking about my stress score lately, and just to check off some of the bigger ones... I moved. (Twice.) Jak and I split up. My income has dropped precipitously. I've only made a couple of good friends since moving (and one of them moved to California! AWESOME), so my social life has undergone a drastic shift--from having a really great circle of friends to basically zero. I've changed jobs a couple of times, and my recreation activities have dried up to basically nothing.

At any rate, I'm about to explode, and there's very little that I feel I can do about it. Yes, I do have some issues with control--nothing new there--so feeling completely out of control is screwing with my head pretty epically. I've been restricting my food intake, cutting myself off from people I love (including skipping Thanksgiving), and stirring up trouble with my friends--one of whom decided to drastically re-evaluate our relationship at the exact wrong time, when I desperately needed one single thing to remain stable. So today I'm writing, and trying incredibly hard not to cry.

I know that my coping mechanisms aren't helping. I know my friends will be there for me in whatever sense they can be and that I'll accept. I know my parents love me, and they're helping as much as they can. What I don't know is how to get out of this maze, back in control, and feeling like myself again.