Dreamscape

Joe and I headed to Chicago to audition for a production of Uncle Vanya that one of the Lansing directors was putting on. The auditions were held in a huge old school building--brick, five stories, lots of lockers and industrial windows. We both read really well, and afterwards decided to head down the street, find a bar, and have a quick drink to celebrate. We stumbled upon a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse, paid $1.30 for the cover, and sat at the bar. It was a strange bar for a couple of reasons: first, it really looked like the back patio area at a local GR brewery converted into a tiki lounge; second, President Obama was sitting at the bar next to us and struck up a conversation. He was waiting for his Secret Service detail to arrive so he could sit down and have a quiet dinner.

I've been dreaming really vividly for the last few months, but this one's stuck in my head. Hmm.

One year.

Turns out, a lot can happen in a year.

I've moved twice.

I've fallen out of love.

I've changed jobs.... um... three times?

I've experienced unemployment for the first time.

I've reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and lost others.

I've made some positive steps.

I've lost some ground, too.

I've gotten back to my roots.

I've learned a lot about where I came from and where I'm going.

I've auditioned.

I've seen more live theatre than I have.... probably ever.

And I can see good things to come.

March first has been a date of extremes for me in the past. On March 1, 2006, I woke up in a jail cell after being arrested for DUI. On March 1, 2009, I worked my last shift at Zingerman's and moved to Grand Rapids. Today doesn't really show signs of being anything like that exciting, but I'm still starting to pack....because in July, I'm moving again. This time, it'll be to the city that trapped me from 1988 to 2000. It'll be by choice. That city saw my first speeding ticket, my lost innocence, my first group of real friends, my overweight years, my uncle's death, my disordered eating, my parents' divorce... a lot of tragedy, a lot of beauty. It's not the same city it was ten years ago. Back then, it was a GM town--everyone had a job, everyone got paid pretty well, there was a new minor-league baseball team, MSU was winning championships.... it really wasn't so bad, in hindsight.

Now it's a desert. GM is a different kind of company. There are far too many people out of work. It's a drab, post-industrial town with some hidden treasures--and that's what I'm making it my job to rediscover. I've spent the last ten years talking about how much I hate Lansing, and in the last three months, I've already found more to love there than I have in a year in Grand Rapids. Even--dare I say it--more than I found to love in Ann Arbor.

It's not the place, it's the people. The atmosphere of a city can change in a heartbeat. Lansing's a perfect example of that. But the people... that's what really makes a place home. I still feel at home in TC and in Ann Arbor, but I don't think that they're where I need to be right now. I want to be closer to my family. It's becoming more and more evident that my life is in Lansing.

And I'm ready to go. Right now. I'm ready to hang up my apron and do something different with my life. I'm ready to pack the boxes, recruit the help, and just... go. Now. Since New Year's, I've gotten a glimpse of what could await me there, if I can just make it work. And I'm going to.

It's been one hell of a year.