Simon and Garfunkel at 5AM

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I won't disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.



Obviously, I'm not a rock nor am I an island. I love my life. The joy and the pain... they balance. Experiencing one gives me context for experiencing the other and that is life!

I'm trying not to completely withdraw from my life right now. I'm trying not to shut everything out. But the song is speaking to me on a very basic level right now: the place that I spent most of my teens and half of my twenties in is exactly what's described. It's comforting to think that I could go back there and hide and never let anyone come close. It worked before. I came out of it, and it kept me from pain for ten years or more.

But then I remember the joy and the horror and the life that I've had over the last few years. I realize that I've made friends and had relationships and developed more as a person than I had in that decade of isolation. It took a wake-up call from my best friend to snap me out of it. It worked. And I'm back, baby. Expect more from me.

(Sidenote: I went to my mom's house for an impromptu overnight last night. It was great, except for the part where we went outside at 11:30pm, each a bottle of wine in, and managed to lock ourselves out of the house. Mom lives in a second-home neighborhood, so guess what? No one was home for about a mile in any direction. Our shoes, keys, phones, everything were locked inside. She has a key-safe on the front door and couldn't remember the combination. I couldn't get into my car. And none of her windows are less than ten feet off the ground. So we spent a solid hour beating the front door window with a large rock until both panes of safety glass gave way. My arm is sore as hell and I'm pretty sure there are still tiny pieces of glass under my skin. My shin is scraped and bruised from climbing through the window after it gave way. Adventures? Apparently.)