But it sort of is.
I mean, laundry, browsing on craigslist, mlive.com, careerbuilder and monster... that's really not interesting. Updating a resume so it appeals to more than just restaurants? Also, not that interesting. Getting frustrated to the point of throwing things? Meeting someone you follow on Twitter, out of the blue, while you're at a coffee shop and getting more frustrated at their wifi? None of that qualifies as anything but banal, everyday shit.
Except it is.
Travis, you'll hate to hear it yet again, but.... I really want to move.
I miss having a life. I miss having (plural) friends that I can see with any sort of frequency. I want to have the quality of life that I had in early 2006, when I was in rehearsals for Rocky, and what that means is this: getting up in the morning, working a job with normal hours, spending my evening in a theatre, and being able to afford a cocktail afterwards. I want to get back to the me that I used to adore. It's starting.
New Year's was a bloody revelation. The friendships, the connections that I left ten years ago are all still there and still strong; in fact, they're stronger than anything I've built since. Proof is in the pudding: I have a place to live there, with a roommate I adore and have known for 13 years. My surrogate mom is still my surrogate mom. I have family there. My best friend from high school could become my best friend again. I already have more friends--honest, real, true friends--in Lansing than I do in Grand Rapids, and I've been here since March. I met more people in one night that I could really be close to than I have in months.
And so I'm updating my resume again; I'm spending hours haunting all the job search websites again; this time I am not compromising, but waiting until I can find a job that can pay my bills and afford me some kind of life quality. I'm tired of all of this BS.
It's uninteresting, and of no consequence. But I've reached my breaking point in this place. My MO has been to run away, but this time it feels like running to. My gut is telling me that this isn't where I need to be, and when I'm there it feels more right. It's not 100% right--but even Empire isn't anymore, and that's been Home my entire life.
Enough venting. No more. Enough.
Good luck to you Elitza. I would never begrudge you moving someplace when you needed to. Make fun of you for moving again? maybe, nut never begrudge. Hell, I moved to detroit, and back in about 5 weeks, so who am I to talk? =)
ReplyDeleteYou have to be where you're happy. My heart is in Boston. I would love to go back.
ReplyDeleteBTW, I loved learning you were a theatre girl! I never would have pegged you as one!
Really? I did my first play at age 7 and my first professional show at 10--and my mother never tires of telling the story of how we went to Disney World when I was about two, and I jumped up on one of the stages and danced. That being said, being a server (ie, working nights and weekends) isn't at all conducive to being in plays, so I haven't done anything since the spring of 2006. It's horrible. I miss it a lot, and after very impulsively reading for a show last weekend, I realized how much it meant to me.
ReplyDeleteBig grin.
ReplyDelete